LET'S MAKE JACKO WELCOME

How thrilling to hear that Michael Jackson is apparently looking for property in London. Perhaps he could get Kirsty and Phil on the job?

- So, you say it's important to be near good schools?
- Yes, yes, that's very important to me
- Are you looking for schools that are more arts inclined, or with a more sciencey approach?
- Well, I don't mind, but bushes outside would be great...
- Bushes?
- Bushes.
- Now, about the requirements to be able to house elephants and flamingoes... that might be tricky in central London...

Back in the real world:

The singer spoke to a Mirror reporter at the London offices of Harrods, owned by his friend Mohamed Al Fayed.

He added: "I'm also visiting my good friend Mohamed - 'cos he's the man."

It's hard to see what Jackson has in common with Al Fayed - one has a tendency to adopt false, self-aggrandising titles and has an almost superheroic sense of persecution; the other... hang on, which one was the other?

music michael jackson mohamed al fayed