MADONNA: I KNOW WHAT JESUS THINKS

Yesterday, Tony Blair was happily denying that the family of Dr David Kelly, the weapons expert hounded to death by his government, would be in any way upset by the auction of a copy of the Hutton Inquiry (a copy signed, of course, by Cherie Blair who - as QC - you'd have hoped would have realised that she was turning the report of the official inquest into a man's death into something on a par with a selection of home-made jams, or a tombola prize.) We did assume Blair's surprising talent to channel the emotions of a family might be the most surprising manifestation of celebrity psychic ability, but we were wrong.

Madonna knows what Jesus wants.

Trying to conceal her delight that the riding onto the stage on a giant cross business had generated the type of coverage she'd hoped for, she set about justifying it:

“I don’t think Jesus would be mad at me and the message I’m trying to send. Jesus taught that we should love thy neighbour.”

Jesus - a famously patient bloke - might find it difficult to understand how plopping onto a stage at a $100-a-head gig on a giant Swarovski-studded crucifx sends the message 'love they neighbour'; indeed, the key message from the shows hovers somewhere between 'i love me', 'you love me' and 'don't forget to visit the merchandise stall'.

It's a little galling, too, being lectured on loving thy neighbour by a woman who happily encouraged people to cross the picket line outside the Forum. Perhaps she'd have shown concern for them if they'd had swarovski-encrusted placards?

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