PARIS - JUST THE ETERNITY

Of course, the only way Paris Hilton can think of flogging her dissolute single is by making what she considers to be a sexy video.

I know I've said this before, but why is the world continuing to pretend that Paris Hilton is beautiful and/or sexy? She's rich, nobody could deny that, and she's a fabulous self-publicist, but magazines put her on the front page when she has a face that is so sharp and plasticky that you could use her to slice onions. I knwo that magazine and newspaper editors have to keep telling their readers that the sight of slice-o-face in a bikini is desperately sexy to justify constantly running pictures of her, but really, the simpler option would be to not run the photos. If you're turned on by shots of Paris, you should try the pictures of the dump bins from the knives amnesty - it'd be like writhing lesbian passion.

Anyway, in the "sexy" video Paris has made, she rolls about in a bikini with a moronic looking bloke. This prompts the Sun to suggest the video recalls From Here To Eternity.

It doesn't, because nobody who cares who Paris Hilton is would have a clue about anything (i) made before the Spring of 2005 and (ii) longer than about twelve minutes, and so Hilton might as well make a video which recalls The Good Old Days for all the good it will do; and, more importantly, the surf scene in FHTE was an astonishing and brave piece of cinema in the context of the times in which it was made; the love-on-a-beach scene crackled with sexual energy and a sense of boundaries being pushed; the explosion of passion between two adults stepping out of the repression of their lives. The Paris Hilton video is an chisel-faced shop-hopper and an eight-pack thought vaccuum filling in the time while their slurpees get refilled.

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