SPARE THE BEAR

For years, the British Army has been defending its use of actual bears to make guardsmen's bearskins on the twin grounds that they can't find an artificial replacement and that they're the sort of people who take part in expeditions dropping depleted uranium on children so it's not like they're that bothered about the sixty or so bears shot to make their hats.

Now, though, Pink is fighting on the bear's behalf, and she's gone to the top.

She's sent a letter to the Queen:

"From what I hear, you’re a modern monarch - I’ve even checked out your website.

"So if you haven’t already, please visit PETA.org.uk, where you can see for yourself the distressing footage of what happens to these bears in Canada.

"Britain’s reputation as a nation of animal lovers is being tarnished by
these money-grabbing hunters.

"I know that your Army Drummers’ cool leopard-skin aprons are synthetic and that the Royal Horse Artillery has fabulous faux-beaver caps.

"Isn’t it about time that your five Regiments of Foot Guards joined your other ranks by replacing real fur?"

We imagine the Queen will be moved by this letter, and demand to know why she wasn't told the RHA is using fake beavers.

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