GALLAGHER KABBALAH HULLABALOO

You're starting to see your mid-life crisis coming over the hill; you find your car keys in odd places, and you don't remember putting them there. What do you do?

Us, we'd try and avoid aluminium saucepans and buy one of those whistling key-fobs.

Liam Gallagher, though, rings up Gwyneth Paltrow and asks if she can send a Kabbalah bloke around to exorcise the house.

A source has filled in the detail:

"A week ago he lost his keys and then they turned up in a kitchen cupboard and no-one had moved them. And now two pans have gone missing.

"Sometimes he will hear sounds that don't make any sense."

Like somebody moving slowly down a hall, faster than a cannonball, presumably.

Normally, when Liam finds himself caught with a ghostly presence that is making a nuisance of himself, he gets Noel to sack the drummer and hire a new one.

But it's perhaps useful for Liam to discover there are forces in the world which won't respond to being hit.

music liam gallagher oasis gwyneth paltrow