TORIES CAN'T TELL WHITE FROM KAISERS

She probably shouldn't have even attempted it, because as soon as Theresa May launched into a parliamentary routine which - in the manner of local radio - attempted to suggest "appropriate songs" for the Labour party, she was bound to come a cropper. And she did:

“Of course, pop songs can be so relevant to politics,” she said, squinting at her script.

“For example,” she said tentatively, “given his recent problems, I wonder if the Home Secretary should listen to the U2 track I still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking for.”

“Perhaps we could have a touch of Dire Straits for the Deputy Prime Minister!” She was interrupted by leery shouts before adding: “With their track Money for Nothing.”

Although, of course, Prescott didn't actually get his chicks for free, did he? But May was on a roll:

She trundled on: “I suppose the Chancellor might look for Diana Ross’s You Keep Me Hangin on and perhaps the Prime Minister would like the Clash’s Should I Stay or Should I Go?”

“Talking of clashes, perhaps the Chancellor should describe his relationship with the White Stripes track Every Day I Love You Less and Less."

Iain Wright, (Labour, Hartlepool) pointed out May's basic error, and suggested that an appropriate song for Theresa might be Mardy Bum:

"In popular culture, as in other things, the party opposite have got it wrong.

"I'm tempted, with reference to you, to refer to the Arctic Monkeys' song Mardy Bum. But, to be more gracious, I think it would be better to say that I Bet You Look Good on The Dance Floor."

Wright's intervention came too late to stop May from reciting the lyrics to Elton John's Friends Never Say Goodbye, which does at least throw open the possibility that Hansard could find itslef in RIAA copyright strife when it publishes the debate.

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