MCCARTNEY DIVORCE: MORE STUBBORN STAINS IN PUBLIC

Such is the apparent desire of the McCartneys to fight their divorce in public - and won't the cuttings make a wonderful scrapbook for baby Beatrice to look back on in the years to come? - that we're fully expecting to see them turn up on the Jeremy Kyle show sometime soon.

Today's helping of public slanging: The Daily Mirror reports (via "a source close to" Mills) that:

"She wanted to divorce him...she didn't expect it to happen this quickly."

But if she wanted to divorce him, surely she should be thrilled at the speed of things? "I can't stand you and want out of this marriage... but I'm going to do it very slowly..."

That's a bit puzzling.

Even more puzzling is The Sun's headline on the story today:

Lady Mucca mocka Macca

We know that the editor is away on Rupert Murdoch's world domination planning awayday at the moment and so presumably the paper is a little like Liberty Hall, but even so: that's not a headline. It's just words, although not all of them are actual words. "Mocka" - what, has she thrown coffee over him? Is she ridiculing him in public? Has she put the "mockers" on his plan? Is she building her own cyber McCartney and using the modula-2 compiler MOCKA to program his rudimentary movements?

The story underneath sheds no light on the headline above, although it does pull a suggestion (we think out of thin air) as to why Heather was dragging her heel:

He has also grown to believe she is deliberately dragging out the divorce so she can hold on to her title as Lady McCartney.

Now, we're no expert in family law, but we do know it doesn't work like Double or Drop: you don't get extra stuff as a reward for hanging onto it longer. Spurious titles don't graft themselves onto you - "after seventeen months of being married to a knight, my ladyship-ness has altered my DNA and now it is impossible to remove it from my body."

Over in the Daily Mail, Matt Born reheats all the coverage from the Sundays before adding a discovery of his own:

A spokesman for Sir Paul yesterday said that reports of a bitter divorce battle were 'pure speculation.'

With this in mind, what headline did the Mail run with?

Macca's divorce is turning nasty already.

music heather millspaul mccartney