SHAYNE WARD HOPES TO HAVE SOME SEX AT SOME POINT

You'd have imagined that Shayne Ward would have been making the most of his fame, as it slowly, slowly dwindles (he was reduced a sight gag in the 2012 Olympics episode of Doctor Who the other week.) While he's been marginally famous in a Heat sort of way, you'd have thought he'd been taking his best chance to interest potential sexual partners - "I won a game show on TV. No, no, it wasn't Deal or No Deal but will you touch my penis anyway?", that type of thing.

But, no. Shayne has the same girlfriend he had before he was on Model Behaviour or whatever it was. But they just can't do it, see, because he can't bring himself to do it while his mam's downstairs:

"I would never have sex under my mother's roof," he says. "I just can't imagine that - her sitting downstairs and me and Faye upstairs. No thanks. She's given me the greatest life and I treat her with the utmost respect."

We really, really hope he does mean that he can't concentrate on having sex with his partner in the bedroom of the house while his mum is in the sitting room, and not using some terrible euphemisms.

Most people might send their mother out to bingo once in a while, but Shayne's solution has been to move out of home. Let's hope he can find another reason to explain non-performance should he find that it wasn't the thought of his mother eating jellied fruits watching Wogan in the room below that was putting him off his stroke.

music shayne ward