YOUR DAD, FOREVER

Keith Allen is no stranger to getting pickled, and it turns out that it's his last wish, too. His will insists that he be preserved in formaldehyde and presented, preserved, to daughter Lily "this year's MIA" Allen.

In a big jar.

We know Lily's spoiled the summer for everybody, but surely this is a grotesque punishment too far. It's tricky enough when a parent dies trying to decide what to do with their eiderdowns and Jubilee plates, but having to find a place for their embalmed body might just push you over the edge. And can you imagine if you ever went on Life Laundry?

Let's just hope he stipulates he's fully dressed: we've all seen naked dead Keith Allen at the cinema and you don't want that, even at the back of the spare room.

(Actually, we imagine the whole thing is a gag on Keith's part - and how we wish we hadn't had to use the phrase 'gag on Keith's part' there - as at the very least, he'd want his corpse mounted on a spare plinth in Trafalgar Square.)

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