IF ONLY WE COULD CROSS BIG BROTHER WITH BABYSHAMBLES...

Oh, apparently the News of the World has managed to do it, claiming this morning that Nikki from Big Brother reckons Pete Doherty paid her £500 for sex shortly before the start of BB7 but was "too wasted" to make the most of his investment.

Good lord - Pete Doherty, indie pop's most self-absorbed man, and Nikki, reality TV's most self-absorbed woman. In the same room. And naked.

It gives you colliewobbles just thinking about it, doesn't it?

The blonde BB screamer said: "I ended up snogging Pete but we didn't have full sex. He was so wasted on drugs he wasn't capable of anything more."

Model Nikki, 24, who came fifth on Big Brother, wants to marry winner Pete—but that dream looks impossible now that she has confessed to working as a £500-an-hour vice girl in an exclusive interview with the News of the World.

I think they mean she confessed in an interview with the New of the World to working as a £500 an hour vice girl, rather than that she charged for sex during the interview.

Do you suppose Nikki wonders that it might just be her rather than the drugs which left Doherty unable to pick himself up?

It's also amusing to think that the Pete-Nikki relationship might be knocked off course by the interview, rather than the last seven days of Big Brother which saw Nikki's increasing attempts to try and secure herself in the public eye as a "bit of a character" make her so annoying that Pete could only look at her for three seconds at a time, through smoked glass, and even then only if he prepared himself mentally for half an hour beforehand.

Not to mention all the crying. The crying came to the "I was a hooker" interview, too:

She sobbed: "Yes, I worked as an escort girl and it is something I'm incredibly ashamed about.

"I made a big, big mistake—one I will regret for the rest of my life. The only consolation I have is that I didn't have sex with any of the clients.

We find this all too easy to believe: we'd pay £500 not to have sex with Nikki. In fact, if there's a pimp who can guarantee we won't ever find ourselves in the same city as her, clothed or no, we'll hand over the details of our bank account straight away.

"Doherty was my first booking. He often used the agency. I went round to a flat in London. It was a complete shithole—full of other druggies playing guitars and just hanging out.

"I was there for several hours. Pete looked just as you would imagine. He was really roughed up and had dirty fingernails. He strummed his guitar and we talked for hours.

"Pete was completely out of it. It was not a pleasant experience and I felt horrible afterwards.

"Having said that, it's not every day you're being paid £500 to sit in the same room as an international rock star.

I felt so, so horrible. But there was an upside.

"He didn't mention Kate. He paid me £500 in cash and also gave me some extra money for my cab home."

Odd, that - "John doesn't talk about girlfriend while being unable to hold an erection long enough to shag prostitute" shocker.

The real curiosity is: if Doherty had half a grand in his back pocket, how come he didn't spend it on drugs?

You might remember that the News of the World seemed absolutely appalled that Heather Mills had worked - allegedly - as a hooker; they don't seem half as censorious about Nikki's time in the same industry. Indeed, they run several pictures of her near-naked almost as if they approve. It seems that it's a career that is only wrong if you go on to marry a Beatle several years later, otherwise it's fine.

music pete doherty babyshambles Nikki Grahame pete bennett big brother prostitution