Wednesday, August 09, 2006


We believe this, from The Sun, is what they call a self-fulfilling prophecy:

THE McCARTNEY divorce is going to be the most bitter high-profile split since Charles and Diana’s ten years ago.

Certainly if they have anything to do with it, anyway.

Heather Mills, dubbed Lady Mucca after The Sun exposed her porno past, has hired the same lawyers used by the late Princess as she battles Macca for his millions.

Good lord, let the bloody Lady Mucca thing go. It's starting to look a little like Norman from accounts trying to get people to call him Killer.

So, so far we've got 'rich woman uses expensive solicitors', then.

Although she once claimed she had no interest in the former Beatle’s £800million fortune, ex-hooker Heather went to see top divorce firm Mishcon de Reya this week.

You really hope Victoria Newton had this piece run by the News International lawyers, as she seems to have just called Heather an "ex-Hooker" there, without any equivocation whatsoever - quite a risky thing to have signed your name to if Mills does intend to sue the News of the World once the divorce is over.

The Monday meeting she had with SIX of their top legal eagles went on for FIVE HOURS.

Expensive solicitors give incredibly close and detailed service to rich clients. Hold the front page!

Newton seems to suggest that employing Diana Spencer's divorce lawyers is part of a bid to try and somehow become Diana:

Heather is so deluded she believes she really should be as loved and as famous as the late Princess Diana.

She took up charity work based on getting rid of landmines — just as Diana had done.

And now she has hired Diana’s lawyer.

Heather should remember one thing.

She may aspire to be the Queen of Hearts — but all she will ever be is the Queen of Tarts.

Tarts, do you see?

Oddly (or perhaps not) the hiring of Charles Windsor's lawyers by McCartney doesn't drive Victoria into a bitter rant suggesting that he wants to be the King.

And is it really fair to suggest that the landmine charity work that Mills does is nothing more than an attempt to emulate the panda-eyed Di? Didn't Mills come to the charity through the work she'd been doing with people who had lost limbs; furthermore, weren't Diana and Mills doing landmine work at roughly the same time - Heather before Diana?

Newton can't believe the woman:

She once laughably even claimed to have been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize and also that she was up for a Labour peerage.

But why is it laughable? As is pretty common knowledge, anyone at all can be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize; anyone can nominate. And in the year which it's supposed somebody nominated Heather, 1996, Bob Dylan was also supposedly on the list of names sent to the committee for consideration. Of course, we can't say for sure - the full list of nominees is sealed for fifty years - but there's no real reason why she shouldn't have been. And Labour peerages? Well, maybe she's over-claiming what happened, but when the bloke off Right To Reply gets one, why not someone who had a lot of knowledge on munitions legacy in former conflict zones?

Part of the problem, it seems, is that she just didn't know her place:

One source, who witnessed her behaviour in such situations countless times, said: “It was embarrassing.

“People would ask Paul what he thought about things and Heather would always butt in with what she thought."

Fancy that - a wife who wouldn't sit meekly and let her husband talk. She's lucky to be getting away with a divorce - I'm surprised there's not some sort of pyre being built.

But gather round, now, for Victoria's key paragraph: we suspect she might cross the line from reporting to commenting at some point here, so do keep your eyes peeled:

One of the things I find truly remarkable about Heather Mills is her total inability to recognise that she is a talentless tart, with no skill, limited intelligence and a seeming inability to tell the truth.

That would seem a little strident coming from a blogger; from a writer on a national newspaper - even The Sun - that seems extraordinary.


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