Please ignore the Kelly Osbourne rumour you haven't heard

If you shook the internet very, very hard yesterday, and looked through the stuff that fell out on the floor, you might just have seen a rumour that Kelly Osbourne had got married. Rather self-importantly, she's issued a statement denying the marriage you hadn't heard about, to someone you've not heard of, ever happened:

"A number of rumours circulated very quickly suggesting Kelly Osbourne had got married.

“This Press release is to confirm that this is totally untrue and is as real as the inflatable church that carries out these non-legally binding mock marriages for fun.”

Matt Derham of Fields has called his lawyer to double-check the last fact, as he saw that episode of Alice where Mel married one of the waitresses by mistake and knows this sort of thing can happen.

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