Saturday, October 21, 2006

Diddy made bubbles in his bath

In what seems to be little more than an attempt to leave the world agape at what a total dude he was, Puff Daddy has been boring on about the old days:

"I was buck-fucking wild - beyond Ménage à trios.

"I was 20-something and renting the presidential suite at the Hotel Nikko in Beverly Hills.

"I got the bathtub filled with champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries.

"Then sex became dangerous."

Well, yeah, the risk of getting a strawberry seed in your bell-end would be quite dangerous - imagine if you had soft fruit bushing out your pants.

Nowadays, though, Diddy has calmed down. A lot:

"My girl right now is very happy.

"As meticulous as I am with my work, I'm even more meticulous with my lovemaking."

Meticulous sex? What would that even be like? Does he have, say, a clipboard which he works his way through to make sure that every bit gets a little attention: "Left nipple - check. Now, I'll continue to work my way down, and see to the right nipple on my way back up..."

Meticulous seems to be the opposite of sex. We're trying to shake the image that Diddy always ensures each orgasm releases exactly the same amount of semen.

Although what he probably means is he never lets a Thursday night slip by without having a spot of sex.

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