All we knew about Lisa D'Amato was that she lost out on America's Next Top Model, but not before she pissed in a diaper to show how, erm, "wacky" she was. Apparently, though, she had to be locked into Robbie William's LA mansion (the one where he keeps a football pitch to entice the boys round) so that she "wouldn't find out she'd hit the headlines" when she spent two months with him.
# KISSED her all over after stripping her naked in the build-up to their first explosive night of sex.
# MADE LOVE to her for three hours, "showing unbelievable stamina" and satisfying her in ways she'd never known before.
Robbie couldn't buy publicity like this, though. Actually, come to think of it, he could, couldn't he? Not that he's underwriting this, after all. It's not like D'Amato is a bit short of work since she didn't win on a game show.
Satisfying her "in ways she'd never known before", eh? Still, we hear that that is a popular practice. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Lisa is determined to share:
Well, that is what you're known for, love. We're mildly surprised that Williams recognises musical notation, though. We thought someone else handled that end for him.
Lest there be any doubt about the story, "Robbie Williams has loads of tattoos" isn't the sort of thing you could find out from the internet, is it?
Three hours? That's less foreplay and more procrastination, isn't it?
But it's not all eventual sex and going "nah, the one on my butt, that's meant to be a tiger, not bagpuss." Robbie has demons, you know.
And not the cute ones, with the hanging ears, like that one Buffy used to hang out with. Oh, no - these are chain smoking demons:
"He would light up a cigarette, take a few drags and then put it out and light another straight away."
Well, you don't want to be puffing away on a used cigarette, do you? This taking a couple of drags and tossing aside didn't seem to worry Lisa, who might have spotted a clue that her stay at Robbie's mansion wasn't going to be any more permanent than her stay in the ANTM luxury apartment:
The slight problem with all this, though, is that it doesn't actually match up with Williams' real itinerary.
Lisa and the NOTW claims she met Williams "last November", that she had "two torrid months of passion" with him, during which he was "so worried about returning to Europe to complete his Close Encounters tour" and that he "dumped her just before heading off to Europe."
But Williams had completed the European leg of the Close Encounters tour when he disturbed us all in Milton Keynes at the end of September. He did have some dates hanging over him in November 2006 - the Australian leg. But that started in the last week of November. So, somehow Williams met and spent two months with her in a three-week period of time, worrying the whole period about having to go to a continent to finish a tour he'd already wrapped there, and not mentioning the place he was about to go to at all. That's really mysterious, isn't it?