Presumably the yawning, empty days left even her unable to face a third autobiography

Fresh from her success asking an important question at the Reith Lectures - we don't think it added to the debate, but the rapid rotation of John Reith's corpse was harnessed to power a city the size of Dundee for a week - Geri Halliwell has now written a children's book.

Cleverly, rather than bother making up characters, she's just stuck real people in:

Halliwell also revealed how she has based one of her characters on former bandmate Victoria Beckham, who in the book is called Princess Posh Vatoria.

She got Victoria's permission, which is probably wise as "thinly disguised" wouldn't really cover that one, would it?

Gordon Ramsay is also in the book. No, us neither.

Of course, Geri's well-known for her way with words:

"One of the greatest gifts in life is actually to love what you do. For me, writing Ugenia Lavender is one of them.

"When I write these stories about Ugenia I feel like I'm going on an adventure. I start with an idea and I never know how it's going to end up until I get there.

"I have loved reading since I was a little girl. Books by CS Lewis, Enid Blyton and Oscar Wilde have always been my great escape, without getting my fingers burnt.

"Creating Ugenia Lavender was like a rebirth. I started developing the idea two and half years ago, but it wasn't until I was pregnant that I really got down to writing seriously. Since then something has possessed me, and I can't stop. It's like Ugenia Lavender has a life of her own."

... which is quite something for a character that doesn't get much beyond one-dimension.

We love the idea that someone who would write books uses a phrase like "books... have always been my great escape, without getting my fingers burnt" - what does that even almost mean? Does Geri think that the usual way of escaping something is by putting your hands onto a lit stove? Or is she being much cleverer than you expect, and it's an allusion to the idea of a physical escape, climbing down a rope from a window of a high tower, where you might, indeed, burn your hands as you flee?

We're trying to imagine what a book written inspired CS Lewis, Enid Blyton and Oscar Wilde would be like. We imagine the basic prose of Blyton, the inability to create a metaphor without slapping "THIS IS A METAPHOR - LOOK, HE'S JUST LIKE JESUS IN THE BIBLE AND THIS IS A BIT LIKE THE BIBLE, DO YOU SEE?" on it from Lewis and the narcissism of Wilde.

[Thanks to Michael for the link]