Paris: I'm a victim of my translucent beauty

Paris Hilton has attempted to cast herself as the Helen of Troy of our age - if only her nose was a slightly different shape, and her trials and troubles would elude her. Yes, she believes that the police keep pulling her over to hit on her.

And not because she's pissed and driving, swerving all over the place, or despite being one of the most familiar ferret-faced women on the planet, she was trying to drive while disqualified.

You might think if the police are always flagging you down to ask you out for muffins and coffee, you'd think twice before getting into your car ripped off your tits. Still, let's hear Paris out:

“I think I get in more trouble because of who I am. The cops do it all the time. They’ll just pull me over to hit on me.

“It’s really annoying. They’re like, ‘What’s your number? Want to go out to dinner’?

“I have so many cops’ business cards.”

Policemen with business cards? Maybe that's an American thing, but why would a highway patrol man have business cards? Unless they've done them themselves on one of those machines in shopping malls.

We do have some sympathy, Paris: you do get in more trouble because of who you are. And who you are is an unpleasant, self-obsessed rich woman who drives while drunk and assumes that laws don't apply to you because you're rich and believe yourself to be cute.