Someone save Matt Willis from David Gest

You'd have thought that Matt Willis, who we had to go and remind ourselves from our notes, was once in Busted, would be delighted with the chance to appear on television. After all, he was so desperate for people to like him he went on that programme where people put scorpions down their trousers and eat kangaroo testicles and chat to Ant and Dec.

However, it seems even fame-monkey Matt has his limits, and he's upset that ITV is using him as Benny The Ball to David Gest's Top Cat in This Is David Gest:

“I’m dreading seeing David’s show, because he’d ring me up and go, ‘Matt, I never see you, come over, I’m so lonely. Come and see me goddammit’.
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“I turn up at his hotel and there’s a camera crew on me! He just doesn’t want to be on his own on camera, so he has me as his little sidekick to bully.

“It annoyed me a few times, bless him.”

Don't worry, Matt. Nobody's watching the programme anyway. And, if it bothers you that much, you could just refuse permission for them to use the footage.

Now, I hear David yanking on your chain. Go, dance for the cameras, reality TV monkey.

But not before we've considered Matt's world view. He's thinking about a trip abroad, but:

"There’s no point [me] going to Amsterdam as I don’t smoke weed anymore!”

Yes. Because it's not like there's anything to Amsterdam than coffee shops selling dope, is there? There's not the place where Rembrandt worked, or the Anne Frank House, or a gallery offering a chance to see the astonishing The Milkmaid; or a place offering the largest collection of VanGoghs in one place. Or the Melkweg, or the canals, or...