Sun exclusive: Doherty wobbly

In news which will come as a shock to the easily shocked, a top graphologist has told the Sun Pete Doherty "shows signs of instability."

They ask this chap to have a look at pages of Doherty's journals, and to say what the handwriting reveals. Originally, they were going to do his tealeaves instead, but apparently Doherty uses bags. This is the graphology verdict:

"We look at stroke measurement, not what he's written. The size and depth of the writing and any slants.

"Pete Doherty's handwriting shows him to be a quick and fluent conversationalist who can rapidly absorb other people's ideas.

"He also has an enquiring mind, yet at times he can be mentally lazy.

"Pete's writing shows a level of emotional instability.

"He tends to have a constant state of internal chaos and may have a difficulty separating reality from fantasy."

Now, even if there was a scientific basis to assigning character type on the basis of if they draw a circle to dot their Is or not - and, frankly, it's only a step away from deciding who might be a mass murderer according to how they lace their shoes - since he clearly knows he's looking at a page of Pete's writing, doesn't that throw up the merest hint of a possibility that the expert could be influenced by factors other than the downstroke on Doherty's Ps? "This double underlining hints at being part of a chart-topping double act based on a strong friendship which has, to judge by this exclamation mark's angle, been superseded by a comedy double-act with a person in the fashion industry."