Madonna does a cover of the Holby City song

So, yes, Hey You did turn out to be as bad as we feared it would be - not helped by having the lyrics flashed up behind Madge's head as she sang them. With the "S" replaced by dollar signs - do you see?.

And it did turn out that Gogol Bordello's role was to, somehow, represent the rest of the world - presumably, had the logistics team been able to work out a way to get two polar bears on the stage, the Gogols could have happily stayed at T in the Park for the evening. La Isla Bonita? It's not the worst part of the Madonna songbook, obviously, but good lord, surely this would have been the time and place for This Used To Be My Playground?

Ray of Light - which most climate scientists are agreed is almost certain to be the last great Madonna single - was slaughtered by Madonna sounding really, really ropey. It wasn't helped by her decision to play (sort of) the guitar which meant the one thing you really expect from Madonna - a bit of movement - was left to the backing dancers.

It turns out it was surprisingly apt when the cast of Holby City chose to do Hung Up for their Children In Need slot last year - listening to Madonna doing her song tonight, it really did sound like the sort of song a junior doctor who played in a covers band for fun might put together for a medical revue. Something that people would hear and say "that's good... for a junior doctor."

It wasn't just the end of the event, it was also the nadir - because, yes, Madonna did tell the audience to show they were worried about climate by... singing the refrain of Hung Up back to her. It had seemed a bit hopeful that this day would persuade anyone to cut their airtravel; by teatime there was still some hope we could get people to show their commitment by at least avoiding leaving their tellies on standby. By closedown, our hopes had been so reduced the best we were going to get was someone trilling along with Madonna as if that would do.

Earlier, Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters did a smashing set (again, another band who seem to thrive best, and only exist for, this sort of thing), although Grohl seemed to have won the lead in a revival of Jesus Christ Superstar.

Now, Kate Silverton - surprisingly - is in charge of the through-the-night coverage, apparently trying to avoid fighting over the remaining natural resources of the planet by having bought them up and made into one single, enormous necklace.