Hang about, Newton's not finished yet...

Maybe that last piece didn't tell Geri how great she was. Let's try some more:

GERI HALLIWELL proved you don’t have to spend a fortune to look glam as she went out in a pair of £8.99 gold hotpants from River Island.

Ginger Spice dazzled on a night out in the French resort of St Tropez, celebrating her 35th birthday with a gang of mates.

A pal of hers told me: “Geri had a fantastic birthday. She got the gold hotpants in London from River Island and was looking forward to showing off her new figure in them on holiday.”

The pants are almost as slinky as those famously worn by KYLIE MINOGUE in the Aussie pop princess’s video for Spinning Around.

This time last year, if Geri was hanging about wearing a pair of, frankly, horrible shorts from a high street bargain bucket shop, that would be a hook on which to hang a 'Geri on hard times' story rather than a very, very strained comparison with Kylie Minogue.

Even Newton realises that she's gone too far, tacking on a face-saving "well, almost..."