Not that I could care, your paper's full of shit...

Good bloody lord. Keith Richards is getting so needful, he's taken to writing to Swedish newspapers to moan about bad reviews.

Not that he's worried about himself, of course. Oh, no, Richards is worried that if the fans who enjoyed the concert read the review, it'll break their little hearts:

"Never before have I risen to the bait of a bad review.

"But this time ... I have to stand up ... for our fans all over Sweden ... to say that you owe them, and us, an apology.

"There were 56,000 people in Ullevi stadium who bought a ticket to our concert — and experienced a completely different show than the one you 'reviewed,'" the letter said.

"How dare you cheapen the experience for them — and for the hundreds of thousands of other people across Sweden who weren't at Ullevi and have only your 'review' to go on.

"Write the truth. It was a good show."

Quite why Richards feels that the experience of not-being-at-a-gig could be cheapened by reading that the gig you weren't at wasn't worth being at in the first place is as bemusing as this suggestion that readers of the Expressen and Aftonbladet will suddenly feel that the evening they thought they enjoyed wasn't enjoyable at all, rather than thinking "I disagree with what I, as an adult, understand is merely the subjective judgement of one person."

Perhaps if you've spent the evening having sex, the discovery that somebody else in the room has given the experience a negative review might lead you to think back and find the flaws in performance, casting a gllomy new prospect on your recollection of events - but, Keith, it's not the same with gigs.

We knew there'd be trouble if he ever started to remember them.