Borrell pretends to be a Nazi

You can rest easily - we don't have the stomach to follow the link to see the promised News of the World pictures of Kerry Katona's topless holiday, so instead, we're going to focus on the story of Johnny Borrell's cough "sex romp with a virginal beauty".

A virginal beauty? Apparently, she's called Faviola Getti, and she claims that, prior to Borrell putting his paws all over her, she was very, very virginal indeed:

"It was all new for me. I had only ever kissed guys in a game of spin the bottle."

So how did Borrell manage to take a girl who'd never even kissed seriously, and wind up turning her loss of virginity into a five-hour "romp"?

Apparently by working through old Fawlty Towers scripts:

Johnny, whose band have sold over two million albums, ditched his trademark swagger for Basil's silly antics after Faviola told him she had NEVER seen Fawlty Towers.

"I told him I'd not watched it and his jaw dropped," she recalls. "So he did all the voices for me — Basil, Manuel and Sybil. He was marching up and down in his pants with his skinny legs all over the place. It was hilarious."

We're finding that very hard to believe. We've been trapped with people working through Fawlty Towers scenes - with all the voices, and it's always been more of a 'fuck off' than a 'fuck me' reaction.

All this took place back in 2003, so you might wonder why Faviola has now decided to share the thought of Borrell, striding about pretending to be Hitler. Funny you should ask:

Faviola liked it so much that she even wrote a song about her night of passion with Johnny on her MySpace page, myspace.com/fabsonline. "It was such a special time that I felt I should write about it," explains Faviola, whose single I Lost My Virginity by her band The Fabs is released on September 24.

The Fabs? Seriously?