Thursday, October 11, 2007

Heather Mills: Nice little earner

Poor Thomas Whittaker, whose decent little scoop about Heather Mills' settlement cracks under the weight of having to use the official Sun formulation of "dubbed Mucca over her porn past", despite nobody outside Wapping using the nickname. And it has to try and fit the "greedy, cash-grubbing harridan" prism into which the story has been served for the last couple of years, despite it not really fitting the actual detail, which seems to be McCartney being generous:

SIR Paul McCartney will give wife Heather Mills a staggering £50MILLION divorce deal today.

It is FIVE TIMES the amount Heather, dubbed Mucca over her porn past, had originally demanded from the fomer Beatle.

They decided on the settlement to avoid a lengthy legal battle for the sake of daughter Beatrice, three.

It's too much for anyone, of course, but for McCartney it's the sort of cheque he can write without breaking a sweat. He's actually got a chequebook which has the "million pounds" pre-printed the way ordinary people have the "£" symbol filled-in for them. He does, it's true.

So, despite the papers' desperate hopes for an even longer, messier, public divorce, the couple have settled quietly, relatively quickly and fairly amicably.


Anonymous said...

"He's actually got a chequebook which has the "million pounds" pre-printed the way ordinary people have the "£" symbol filled-in for them"

I heard that instead of a nice pastel picture of some otters in the background, the cheques have got drawings of some specially-bred geese made of money that only super-rich people are allowed to see.

Paytahr Escobar said...

To be fair, it appears to be the first time they've used that formulation since May. And what's more, there's more variation than we give them credit for -- since they started out with a rather clumsy "dubbed Lady Mucca after The Sun told how she had posed for porn pictures in her days as a model" in August last year, we've had:

-- seven instances of "over her porn past"

-- four instances of "because of her porn past"

-- a solitary lacklustre "due to her porn past"

-- and once, in a frenzy of hot-blooded experimentation, "branded Lady Mucca for her porn past", before realising that the word "branded" says more about the Sun than about the gold-digging harridan so deserving of our scorn

And that's the lot. Would you believe I got a government grant for the above research?

Anonymous said...

For a woman who's pubically stated she's not a gold-digger and didn't marry for the money, her taking that cash speaks volumes about her integrity and principles.

Laura Brown said...

Anonymous: Yes, if she were a decent woman she would have refused Macca's offer in a paroxysm of offended dignity and whisked their daughter off to live in a council flat, supported only by weekly Child Benefit and her pride.

BTW, I assume that she "pubically" stated this as part of her porn past.

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