Spice against Life

We can hardly contain our excitement at the mounting prospect of a chart battle between the Spice Girls and Westlife.

Actually, that's not true, we've just found a small yoghurt pot which has more than enabled us to contain it.

We're assuming that Mel C has started tearing strips off Westlife that the party line at Camp Spice was supposed to be saying nothing in public:

"We've just sold out 17 nights at the O2 Centre... We've got nothing to prove!"

And referring to her longrunning spat with Louis, she added: "I think Louis secretly fancies me. In the playground if you fancy someone you just smack 'em. Whenever Louis gets the chance he slags me off!"

That's quite a brave thing to say, really, as it's impossible to formulate a sentence of that sort without imagining the other person's sex face looming down on yours in the smaller rooms at a Ramada Encore.

Let's not count the number of perfectly good Internet Rumours that a Mel C-Louios Walsh marriage would destroy.