Thursday, November 22, 2007

Heather Mills murdered

Oh, hang about, she hasn't been; it's just another squawky over-reaction from the one-woman self-pity machine. "Murdered by the media." She's now decided that she's no longer like Kate McCann or Diana, instead she's more like Sydney Cook:

"I don't think anything can prepare you for being treated worse than a murderer or a paedophile when all you have done in 17 years is charity work."

She does seem to have forgotten the celebrity dancing contests, the high-profile marriage to a Beatle and, erm, that she didn't start her charity work until after her accident 14 years ago.

But she's still lying about the Kate McCann comparison:
I never said I compared myself to the McCanns and they (the Press) said I did," she said.

Perhaps someone should gently sit her down and play her her own GM-TV appearance, where she said:
I am trying and I am being pushed to the edge. Eighteen months of abuse. Worse than murderers and paedophiles. 4,400 abusive articles. Look what they’re doing to the McCanns. The woman and the poor father have lost their daughter. What are we doing as a nation? What are we doing persecuting a woman that is devastated behind closed doors and trying to hold it together as I have for eighteen months.

To try and deny you said something on national TV - twice - seriously undermines your case if you're setting yourself up as a critic of false reporting.

Mills then suggests that her mauling at the hands of the press is because she's some sort of revolutionary hero of our times:
"I'm a woman who puts fear into men who want to control women," she said.

"If you look at every single person in the history of the world who has tried to make a difference, you'll find a very long section of their lives where they were treated horrifically by the government or by the media."

But since Mills' campaigns have been strictly limited - a well-meaning but woolly spot of vegetarianism here, worthy but hardly radical work for landmine clearance and disabled people - it's hard to imagine that there's a secret bunker in Whitehall where civil servants are quaking at the very mention of her name. Indeed, a more fitting comparison for Mills, rather than Sylvia Pankhurst or Rosa Luxembourg, would be, say, Paul Danan. Or maybe it's part of the conspiracy that Danan has been dumped from panto in Preston after swearing at the Christmas lights switch-on. Oh no he didn't. Oh, yes, he did.

Meanwhile, Heather has been expressing her disgust at rich people:
"Sadly, you have to mix at a certain level of people to raise the level of funds you need to bring about the greater good," she said.

"Because people are very snobby - these people who have lots of money, they're either snobby or they're stingy.

"If you have lots of money you have to be stingy because why would you that amount of money."

See! She's only rubbing shoulders with the wealthy because she's gone undercover on our behalf to change the world. God, how she hates the constant fine dinners, the stream of exquisite wines, and the laughter of the rich. Really, she's just waiting for the time when she can bring the whole edifice crashing down with TRUTH and a few well-placed tears.

Now, this might make her seem rather two-faced, and one does wonder how, the next time she's sneaked her way into the belly of the aristocracy the rich and powerful will feel about her knowing she's told the world she only pretends to like them to milk them dry.

So where does Dancing With The Stars fit in? And her attempts to scoop up large piles of divorce cash?

It's all part of the plan:
"But you have to be able earn a certain living and be able to mix in that arena to influence those people and kind of drag that out of them to actually make a change and make them realise that's what's really exciting about life."

See? She has to be rich, otherwise she couldn't get into the palaces and castles and manors, and sleep on their Egyptian cotton sheets, and eat their organic scrambled eggs, and play deck quoits with the sons of Earls and sisters of novelists and... sorry, what was she doing it for again?

Indeed, if we can raise ten million quid for her, she might be able to infiltrate their luxurious country piles deeply enough to bring about a proletarian revolution by Christmas. Send money now.


2 comments:

Audrey said...

So well written!

This woman is just so irritating and a real con artist if there ever was one. I simply despise her and I don't even know her-

There's just something about her that is so incredibly off-putting.

Like many, I think she has absolutely no right to her ex's money and especially not without a confidentiality clause - and he must not allow himself to be bamboozled into settling this one because she clearly has no integrity - We say fight her tooth & nail Paul!

Mike said...

Thumbs up for Macca!

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