Kanye West: How I Done It

Yes, like Joe Maplin himself, Kanye West is to help us all improve our lives by revealing his philosophy. Or rather:

creative, humorous and insightful philosophies and anecdotes used in creating my path to success.

We're not sure how somebody uses an anecdote to create a path to success - it's probably a little bit like using a Black and Decker strimmer to create a tidy border.

So, what sort of pearls can we, the swine, expect to have hurled at us by Kanye, should we choose to follow his path?

“Get Use to Getting Used”

You might feel dirty in the morning, but, oh, it's worth it.

“Be Leery of the Free Gift Bag”

We suspect this is because, in the US, they're taxable, and you're just going to have to spend time sorting out what the IRS will be wanting. Plus, you know, if you look too excited when someone gives you a gift bag, they're going to assume you don't already own a watch.

What else, Kanye?

“Don’t let people think you owe them something. That puts you in a position of weakness. If they choose to give, it’s their choice. You don’t owe them anything.”

Or, to put it more simply: one good turn deserves absolutely bugger all. Charming.

Kanye's big idea, though - besides being used, of course - is this:

“When walking down the street, you can walk in one line perfectly without ever falling over. Now take the same city block, make it a foot wider and then put it a hundred stories high. You’re going to be so focused on the fact that you don’t have a banister that you’re more likely to fall because of it.”

Uh... so, we think he's saying that you should be careful when you're walking along a street half a mile up in the air, as it's the lack of a banister which will make you fall over. And, presumably, the drugs you'd have to have been smoking to start thinking you're walking in the air like Aled Jones won't exactly help with the balance, either.

We're now going to ponder if, perhaps, when the Bush government did nothing after Katrina, it was because Bush and West actually share the 'don't let people think you owe them something' philosophy. Wouldn't it be ironic if Bush was following the Kanye doctrine all along?