Gordon in the morning: It sucks

Back during the Victoria Newton era, one of her greatest moments was running Russell Brand's joke about getting pleasured by Henry The Hoover as if it really happened.

Somewhat surprisingly, Gordon again reports a comedy routine as fact, in response the man supposedly found with his cock in a vacuum cleaner in London:

[W]hen Russell was a curious 14-year-old, he once found himself in the same sticky position, while working in a double-glazing factory.

Brand has teased Smart by sending a letter in support of a man's right to copulate with domestic gadgets (although, to be honest, it just regurgitates much of the his routine on the theme.)

Perhaps Smart does know it's all a joke, and just doesn't want to spoil it by showing that he knows. Perhaps he's not so idiotic as to believe either story and just doesn't know how to deliver a gag with a wink. Yes, we expect that's it.

Personally, we blame Danny Baker and Amy Lame. If they'd not been discussing Henry and his family in such salacious detail on the radio last week, none of this would have happened.

Elsewhere, a sober - in both senses - interview with Lily Allen that Gordon's read in Glamour magazine, in which she talks quietly about having changed her life and her lifestyle, gets a clunking Gordon headline:

Lil removed from caners’ league

Allen says she's staying in these days, as it's not much fun going out straight when everyone else is snorting, chugging and carousing. Gordon, though, translates this as:

LILY ALLEN has locked herself away in fear of tumbling into drink and drug addiction.

Which sounds more like she's got crazy and had to bolt herself in her living-room in case one foot outside would see her turn into Britney Spears.