Although his predictions of divorce and broken homes came to nothing, Gordon Smart has decided to continue banging away at the story, reporting this morning that, oh, anything really. Let's say she's insisting on moving house:
There is something charmingly old-fashioned sounding about the phrase "marital bed" turning up in a trashy gossip column, isn't there?
But hang about a moment... those of us who have followed this story through Gordon's eyes will recall (as he keeps telling us) that Ashley is supposed to have had whatever sex he could manage between bouts of spewing in some sort of hotel, didn't he?
Didn't you say that, Gordon?
Really, Gordon? Or - if they are actually moving - could it just be that they want a new start?
Elsewhere, Gordon's turned in one of those I have read a magazine, I shall tell you what is in the magazine pieces, picking up Victoria Beckham's Vogue cover:
I'll be honest. I spent thirty seconds thinking that Gordon was confusing Dirty Harry with Gone With The Wind before I got the wind/blew pun. You might have thought something along the lines of "It's not just Atlanta that'll be set alight by Posh's new look" would have been sharper, but it turns out Gordon's not assuming his readership will have heard of the movie. He tries to prompt them:
But having thrown the damn into the pot, Gordon flounders slightly trying to take the thought on:
Um... yes. She clearly gives a damn about... um... anyhoo...
The announcement of Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party for Hyde Park generates the headline
We read the story through, trying to work out what was going to be banned. Then we realised it was meant to be Band-ela. I can't decide if Gordon's working on a level too intellectually demanding for me, or if the puns are really so weak they're turning into something like a suduko puzzle when you try to work them out.