Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The undrinkable in pursuit of the unthinkable

Having lost its patience with not being mentioned often enough in the media ("with Axl Rose's slow work rate"), the company which makes largely-undrinkable soda Dr Peppers has offered to give everyone in America a free can of their product if Guns N Roses finally release Chinese Democracy this year.

No, really:

In an unprecedented show of solidarity with Axl, everyone in America, except estranged GNR guitarists Slash and Buckethead, will receive a free can of Dr Pepper if the album ships some time -- anytime! -- in 2008. Dr Pepper supports Axl, and fully understands that sometimes you have to make it through the jungle before you get it right.

"It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love," said Jaxie Alt, director of marketing for Dr Pepper. "So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection -- for something more than the average album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as "Dr Pepper for the ears" because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds -- an instant classic."


We're not sure they can legitimately force people to drink their free can of soda, or how the distribution would work - perhaps it'd be like when they used to turn the EU beef mountain into unpleasant cans of minced cow parts in gravy and have local centres hand them out to pensioners. We're picturing them emptying a layer or two of ice into the Grand Canyon, then tipping in however-many-million cans before inviting people to help themselves.

We imagine the shareholders of whoever's holding that part of the falling-apart Cadburys Schweppes operation will be delighted if Axl does overcome the odds and get the record out by Christmas. It's a nice gag - let's hope it doesn't become a bankruptingly expensive one.


4 comments:

Chris Brown said...

How will they know if Buckethead tries to get some? He'd have to take the bucket off to drink it wouldn't he?

James said...

<Alan_Partridge> Why would anyone drink Dr Pepper? It's like fizzy Benylin </Alan_Partridge>

Olive said...

sometimes you have to make it through the jungle before you get it right

Anyone know what that phrase even means? Or is it just weapons grade marketing bollocks? How long before we hear it dribbling from the mouths of one of the odious swaggering cocks who've just debuted on The Apprentice?

simon h b said...

@Olive
Wouldn't it be lovely if it did turn out to be a Surallan challenge for his business-puppies? That would be a great boardroom: "Whose idea was givin' away three hundred million cans of the product?"

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