Gordon in the morning: Madonna will dance for coins

Gordon crunches the numbers on Madonna's upcoming Dubai gigs, and discovers that if you divide an unsubstantiated payrate by an estimated length of concert, she'll be earning an eye-catching but completely spurious £83,333 a minute. We love the way Gordo is accurate to the pound level, despite the numbers he'd making being made-up.

And, while we have no doubt that Madonna will be well rewarded for her visits to the United Arab Emirates, would Gordon be confusing the money paid to stage the concert in total with the cash Madonna will be taking to one of her many homes?

Nice to see that The Sun - still, as I understand it, edited by Rebekah Wade, she of the campaign to rid the nation of paedophiles (and any paediatricians who got caught in the cross-fire, and blokes who were just a little weird but probably up to something) - manages to find room to run slobbering pieces by Gordon over photos of Geri Halliwell dressed as a schoolgirl ("to act out a few fantas. . . I mean sketches") and photos of Angelina Jolie when she was a schoolgirl ("she took part in the racy swimsuit shoot with photographer SEAN McCALL. Looking very fresh-faced, Angelina wore a range of skimpy outfits including a bikini and one-piece bathing suit.")