Gordon in the morning: The gossip columnist looked at Johnny

Most people - faced with John Lydon testing the ground for a new Sex Pistols album - would counsel against. Gordon sounds excited at the prospect:

Johnny said: “There could be a new record. That would be nice.

“But I won’t do anything in a patronising way. The music, the subject and the attitude all have to be right at the same time. Everything has to be from the heart.”

Lydon's main source of income in the last few years has been the US real estate business. If you didn't know better, talk of creaking out a bunch of new Sex Pistols songs would suggest that was a business in some sort of trouble.

Smart, of course, with his borrowed suits and office cubicle probably still thinks there's something rebellious about old men and past glories. It's almost heartbreaking to see that he not only still believes in "Johnnny Rotten":

Frontman JOHNNY ROTTEN, real name John Lydon, revealed the possibility after the hellraisers’ rip-roaring gig at the Isle Of Wight Festival on Saturday.

"Real name John Lydon". Really? Who knew, eh?

Lydon shows exactly why we don't need a new Pistols album, by launching into an attack on Coldplay:

“I pity the poor bastards who have to watch them. They are utterly humourless.

“I met them a few years ago, said hello and realised they were just men in anoraks. They looked like a gang of little poncy masturbators.

“There is no fun, they don’t offer joy. Their music has a couple of quite nice tones here and there but it’s a box of tosh sold to slightly inadequate, half-baked people.”

Here is a man who is flogging a failed teenage rebellion to men in their 50s attacking Coldplay for taking money off inadequates. At least Coldplay don't pretend to be outsiders looking in.

Lydon then tries to start a war of words with The Stranglers - The bloody Stranglers. In 2008! - which, surprisingly, Smart gives the man space in a newspaper to churn on and on about whose self-tribute act is the more genuine.

Smart really does - with a straight face - caption a photo:

Encouraging anarchy ... Johnny

Encouraging anarchy. Oh, Gordon, do you really think your boss would let you run a fawning piece on Lydon if he threatened anything more dangerous than a spot of mild social democracy?