Gordon in the morning: Is he on leave?

It'd be unlikely that Gordon Smart could keep up the standard he's achieved week in, week out, without taking a little break every now and then, and at the moment there's a sense that his involvement in his own column consists of little more than allowing his photo to sit at the top of the page.

Let's hope he's on leave, because if he's at his desk signing off on headlines like Wish Roo Were Here, he's desperately in need of a holiday. This is over the top of a story which sees the probably best uninvaded privacy of the wedding of the woman from the Asda adverts and the ruddy-faced footballer enters the honeymoon period.

That's the actual honeymoon period, not that couple and paparazzi have come to some sort of mutual agreement. We know the coverage has been grinding on for so long now nobody cares, but since Wayne Rooney is a vital part of the honeymoon, and the picture shows him and Colleen enjoying a quick gamble, isn't "Roo" actually there? Am I missing something?

The couple went to see George Michael:

German tourist Lars Lamade, 37, said: “It was a real shock to see Wayne Rooney at a George Michael concert. I recognised him straight away. He and Coleen loved it, they stayed right until the end."

It was a shock? Why, exactly? Surely it might have been mildly surprising but it's not like it was, say, a You've Got Foetus On Your Breath gig, which might be a strange place to see Rooney. Or maybe if it was Cup Final day and the Manchester Uniteds PLC were playing in it, it would be shocking to see Rooney watching a run through of Listen Without Prejudice Volume Two. But an off-season gig by the sort of name you'd not blink to have seen listed under 'favourite artist' in the now-defunct SuperFocus column of Shoot!? Not too shocking, is it?

More evidence that Smart is off somewhere with a pedalo and the latest Louise Bagshawe novel is the appearance of the word conundrum in a ho-hum bit of fluff alongside a picture of Russell Brand with a woman.

Meanwhile, Guy Ritchie is planning to launch an offensively over-priced whisky:

The Macallan currently sell the most expensive whisky — for around £20,000 a bottle.

But this is small change for ambitious Guy.

The source revealed: “He plans to stuff the current top prices with his brand.

“He reckons there are plenty of rich businessmen and rock stars who would pay six figures for the world’s best whisky.”

They might - god alone knows, there are many people who seek new ways to rub people's noses in their pile of cash ("I don't like to rub my money in people's faces, it wrinkles the notes, so I photograph it and rub the pictures in people's faces" as Laura Solon put it) but is there any kudos in pissing your cash away on whisky made by 'the bloke who makes the same awful film over and over again'? Wouldn't Ritchie be better offering to make the vinegar for Barry Norman's Pickled Onions?