Gordon in the morning: Middle-aged man puts on weight; old man chase youth

We're at a loss to understand why Gordon is so excited about a photo of Boy George with a bit of a belly, so much so he put it in the newspaper.

A 47 year-old man is not as slim as he was when he was 22? I'm surprised Newsnight isn't organising some sort of debate.

Perhaps it was just Gordon felt his jokes were so great, it was worth the effort of running them:

BOY GEORGE looks like he’s turned into a Karma Cha-MEAL-eon as he lumbers along a city street.

No, not that then.

Elsewhere, with journalists covering the supposed Ron Wood making a fool of himself story - he's fallen for a teenager and off the wagon - Gordon is left to deliver a think piece about it:

WHEN RONNIE WOOD falls off the wagon, it’s time to get a hard-hat on.

He is famous for his boozing and when he hits the bottle, it isn’t in half measures.

The last time Ron was back on his favourite tipple, vodka — and lots of it — he ended up under a table in a posh restaurant biting KATE MOSS' ankles.

Ha ha! Alcoholism is funny, isn't it?

Gordon remembers that he's meant to be being responsible:

It’s sad, though, to see a man who had a happy family risk it all with his desire to go on month-long benders.

Gordon's attitude to heavy drinking is bemusing. Is heavy drinking sad? Then why do you give a prize for heavy drinking, Gordon? Can you simultaneously celebrate and berate people for drinking too much?

When he finally sobers up, as he has done before, he will realise the blunder he has made by upsetting his stunning, loyal wife Jo.

If he doesn’t, he can forget the planned Faces comeback and winning his family back.

It's not clear here if Gordon is suggesting he might not sober up, or realise his mistake. Because not patching things up with his wife would threaten the family, but not the reunion, surely?