Amy Winehouse asks for Amy Lame's job - if ET lets her

The NME is dutifully reporting that Amy Winehouse is going to be a "radio agony aunt", something it has extrapolated from the Daily Star, which claims she's "asked" to go on when Mitch co-hosts the Danny Baker show with Gary Crowley.

The NME might want to approach the story with a little more caution, given that the last big Winehouse story the Star broke was this one:

Amy's demise could have inadvertently sparked a link between the human race and life on other planets after new research suggests aliens have been desperately trying to contact the star.

As sightings of UFO'S soared in recent months - with nearly one being reported every week - betting analysts Blue Square have been working out the odds on where the next alien-bod could be spotted.

But researchers were amazed to discover that when the E.T sightings were plotted on a map of Britain they formed the shape of Amy Winehouse's bee-hived head.

Alien watchers everywhere are now convinced that life on other planets is desperate to contact the skinny limbed Rehab singer and help her to change her destructive ways.

"Alien watchers everywhere" are convinced of this, are they? They wouldn't be saying 'why would you try to contact someone by making a massive join-the-dots picture that, if you're half drunk and squint, might look a little bit like you?' Obviously, I'm not expert with matters alien - I did some work experience once summer helping out with their probing, but mostly it was just making coffee for Tharrrg The Mighty Crusher Of Galaxies - but it does seem they'd be better off hovering over house, wouldn't they?