Gordon in the morning: And guess who was with him? Yeah, Julie.

Today's Bizarre column isn't just lame, it's got a date for fitting with special orthopedic shoes. Smart kicks off by trumpeting:

Duff dates

LOOKING at these pictures I thought DUFFY was trying her own version of Blind Date — and needed a Graham for a quick reminder how to do it.

You thought that, did you?

But what was really happening, Gordon?

But it seems the singer wasn’t on three fast dates after all.

Really?

But the only men here are her bandmates.

So, then, you have photos of Duffy talking to men she works with... and this would be a story how, exactly?

Perhaps showing how low the bar has been set on Bizarre today, there's even a guest piece - presumably the money you make developing property in Brighton hasn't got so poor she's auditioning for Pete Samson's job - by Julie Burchill. Burchill announced a year ago she was quitting journalism, and to be fair, you can't get further away from journalism than the Bizarre website. Burchill turns in a 50th birthday article about Michael Jackson, which reveals that he was young when he was famous, and has had a strange life since:

That kid who sang I Want You Back all those years ago, seemingly so full of the joy of life, has become a broken shadow of a man.

It's not that it's a hacked-together article without much of a point, but you do expect to see ^{citation needed} scattered across it.