Readers of the print edition of The Sun might be surprised to discover that Gordon has chosen to run with Guy Ritchie's 40th Birthday again today, as his lead. As the whole world read yesterday, Madonna - the only semi-interesting thing about Ritchie - had left the party as soon as possible, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a star-filled affair:
Even Gordon knows he's struggling:
So why did this fairly dull party from the night before last get such a prominent position in the paper? Smart is reduced to banging on about pies to fill in space - and even then, he doesn't seem to know what to say about them:
just some good old-fashioned pies in a variety of flavours.
The pies were smoked haddock and egg or chicken, leek and tarragon.
So, that's old-fashioned pies that are also special edition pies. Is it possible for something to be both traditional and novel?
Still, Gordon is obsessed by those pies:
Who wants pies?
Any more pie, Gordon?
Has anyone ever got so excited by pub food before? Tomorrow: Gordon discovers the salted peanuts - and they're on a card with a woman in a bikini.
Although when the paper was printed this close study of someone's tea from Tuesday had been considered the biggest story of the day, online it's hidden halfway down the page, with an interview with Will Young boosted to take the key slot.
Will talks about his desire to adopt and then tells a story about a relative:
“She said, ‘William, this is you. Something about it isn’t quite right. Let me see.’ I had long hair, then she drew a skirt on me. She is so young but astute enough to pick up on that. It was brilliant."
But you're not actually a transvestite are you, Will?