A nervous day for Gordon Smart, as his predecessor and boss, Victoria Newton, returns to the kingdom clutching an exclusive - nay, world exclusive - interview with Victoria Beckham.
What could be so crucial about Beckham's message for the world that it's brought Newton back from her new, lofty perch, counting paper-clips and making sure that the PowWow man leaves enough bottles of water?
Newton, you'll recall, is not the sort of journalist to take someone's word for that - she seeks evidence to back up the claim. Luckily, she's at lunch with Beckham and so doesn't need to create a "pal" to drum up a quote about seeing Posh with a Lion Bar:
Since this is a meal which represents "eating more", it does make you wonder what she was eating before, back when she was eating less. Perhaps she'd have them hold the peppermint in the tea.
We're kidding. Naturally, Newton wouldn't abandon her executive office just to report that Beckham is slowly coming to terms with salad dressings. No, no: there's hair, too. Victoria Beckham has hair:
She adds: “I do love it, and it’s easy to manage and David likes it so that’s all that matters. I wasn’t trying to copy anyone like AUDREY HEPBURN or MIA FARROW.
“I just told the hairdresser to use his imagination.”
If it's a trendy haircut - as Newton claims - then surely the last thing the hairdresser did was "use his imagination" and just slapped on what everyone else was having?
There are more shocks, though: Beckham has turned her back on shopping. She claims. Really:
“That’s often where I get inspiration for my designs.”
Is it wise for a woman whose current line of business is flogging clothes to point out that, actually, you're better off going and buying second hand?
Newton concludes her puff-piece for the former Spice Girl by, effectively, handing over her notepad and offering her the chance to note down any thoughts she might have:
“It feels fantastic that everything I’ve worked so hard for over the past five years is coming together.
“I’ve been on the covers of Vogue, I’m respected in the fashion industry, and ANNA WINTOUR (the legendary Vogue editor) takes my calls.”
It's odd that someone who doesn't care what anyone thinks about her, erm, clearly worries a lot what Anna Wintour, trouser merchants and Vogue think of her.