Gordon in the morning: Has Madonna kidnapped Gordon?

Today - oh, there's going to be a lot of this, isn't there? - the desperate bid to try and make 'couple fall out of love, split' into a never-ending story sees Wheeler and Cox file another story knocking Ritchie, making him sound like a paranoid obsessive:

ANGRY GUY RITCHIE believes MADONNA is SPYING on him during their break-up.

Guy, 40, was furious that details of a private divorce “war summit” were leaked to his wife, The Sun can reveal.

He believes the pop queen is using her huge staff to report his every move.

Or, maybe, she's just buying The Sun every day. That could be it.

A close family friend said yesterday: “Any hopes Guy had of their divorce being private and dignified are out the window."

How lucky there was a close friend willing to tell a newspaper how sad it is the divorce is not being kept private any more.

Meanwhile, Alex Peake (Gordon must be having a lie-down somewhere with a Hollyoaks calendar) talks to Peaches Geldof - or rather, reads a quote by Peaches Geldof about her marriage in Heat:

“I didn’t go into it with Max thinking, ‘This is going to last forever’.

“But I did go into it thinking, ‘I love him right now and I know that I will continue to love him for a long while’.”

Heartwarming, huh? Peaches will remain married at least until she's able to divorce without the Madonna split taking the shine off it.

The piece ends with a credit, and a plea:

See the interview in Heat on sale now.

GOT a story on a celeb? CALL The Sun on 020 7782 4104, EMAIL exclusive@the-sun.co.uk or TEXT 63000.

Presumably they'd be delighted if you just read this week's Hello! down the phone to them.