Mitch Winehouse, Gordon gravely informs us, has a difficult conundrum this morning:
AMY WINEHOUSE’s husband BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL has sent a vile and abusive letter to her dad MITCH.
The six-page poison pen note from prison is packed with violent threats and abuse aimed at the cabbie.
Really? It seems a little strange that this would have come from prison, but carry on.
The letter is now in the hands of the police and solicitors as Mitch weighs up a difficult conundrum — press charges and risk his relationship with Amy or let the waste of space off the hook again.
It's not clear how a letter can be in two very different sets of hands at once; nor, indeed, how Winehouse would have thought that the choice about charges would be his after giving the letter to the police - whether he pressed charges or not, surely - if Smart's descriptions of the letter are true - there'd be more than enough for the cops to move with without Winehouse pressing charges?
And wouldn't Amy be just as - more - upset if the whole sorry saga ended up in the pages of the popular prints, with or without a police investigation? Oh.
And how much truth is there in this tale? There's nothing to substantiate it beyond an odd quote from a "close pal" of Mitch's:
“I could hear Mitch physically shaking when he phoned to tell me about the letter."
You could hear a man shaking down a phoneline? Really? How does that work, exactly?
Even Gordon seems to lose faith in the tale by the end, suddenly switching to discuss how, erm, Sharleen Spiteri's daughter likes Amy Winehouse. For some reason. Perhaps there's going to be a run of 'what pop music the children of 1990s stars likes'. If there's a lot of space to be filled, anyway.
And there is a lot of space. There's no other explanation for this sort of thing:
Alesha turns flirty
Or rather "thirty". Do you see what he... oh, you did?