Oh, God, can't we at least allow 2009 to unpack before we have to splash mace into its hopeful little eyes?
Lauren Harris has decided to try and claim one of those world records that isn't a world record by releasing a record everywhere at one second into the New Year:
The single, Your Turn, was lined up for digital release in places including Auckland, New Caledonia, Sydney, Tokyo, Singapore, Jakarta, Dhaka, Karachi, Baku, Moscow, Paris, London, Santiago, Indiana, Mexico City, Arizona, California, Alaska, Hawaii and Samoa.
Ah, that all important Samoan market. As if the marketing stunt wasn't enough of an admission that there's nothing within the record to recommend it, there's also some muttering from the people behind the marketing ploy:
The marketing team supporting Miss Harris, Quite Great Communications, believes it is the first time such a venture has been organised on this scale and a first for worldwide distributor The Orchard which was co-ordinating all the digital downloads.
Joe Arditti, chief marketing consultant, said of the release: "The recent global success of American female rock/pop artists such as Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus and Pink has opened up the rock genre to a far more mainstream market. More importantly, there is a gap in the British market for our very own Rock Goddess.
"What better way to bring in 2009, than with a new star born at midnight!"
Well, a bucket of white wine and a dance with a mysterious stranger, perhaps? Or a firework display and a fondue party?
Did Arditti actually mean anything with his confused suggestion that Miley Cyrus is somehow a rock/pop crossover rather than just rock? And the belief that it's somehow hard for not-ugly women to sell singles to people because they have drums on?
Still, what better start to 2009 than the discovery that the year is going to be every bit as besmirched as 2008 was by duff ideas being sold with the stench of desperation. Happy new year, everybody.