Oh, poor Sharon Osbourne - being victimised by a woman who pulled her across the room and then wedged her skin under Osbourne's nails.
Yes, yes, to most onlookers it could have looked like Osbourne threw herself across the room and scratched Megan Hauserman. But, no - Osbourne was the victim all along:
Osbourne insists she's the victim in the alleged brawl - hinting that Hauserman purposely targeted her to land her own TV deal.
She says, "There was a little tiff. I drink this ice tea, and it's red, and the cow only had a bikini on - the cup was full of ice and it went all down her front.
"But she had it coming, big time. It shows you how dumb she is. Anyone who knows anything about me knows not to say anything about my family, or you're going to get it. Say what you like about me, but don't ever, ever, ever insult my family.
"She's got her own show now, called Trophy Wife. Amazing, isn't it?"
God, yes - imagine just getting a TV show because (or possibly despite) you're gobby and annoying. Whatever is the world coming to?