Chris Brown is sorry, like an HBOS banker

Having had a week to think about it, Chris Brown has issued a statement which, I guess, he thinks is in some way contrite:

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person."

"Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds."

Yes, Chris, focus on what's really important here: someone suggesting that you'd changed your Facebook status. You might want to have a quick chat with your pastor, you mother, other loved ones and God about why people don't like you.