Gordon in the morning: House!

Why do the BAFTAS still clash with the Grammys? It is almost as if the organisers of the never-been-as-good-since-they-took-out-the-TV prize givings really did want to give their scary masks out with as few people as possible around the world noticing.

It also puts an intolerable strain on Gordon's resources, which results in headlines like this:

Grammy-dad of rock is... Macca

Grammy-dad. Because he's old, you see?

It's interesting to note that The Sun now considers "play Sun bingo" to be a "related story" to nearly everything that appears in Bizarre. How is playing bingo like all of Gordon's stories, exactly? I guess people only get involved in the hope of winning surprising sums of money, so maybe that's what they're getting at.

Jane Fulcher stayed up to file the actual Grammy report:

COLDPLAY scooped three gongs at the 51st Grammy Awards in Los Angeles - as a British invasion took over the LA ceremon

Why, yes. A British invasion. Still, it's good news: our economy might be screwed, our banks might only be kept going by processing Jacqui Smith's payments to her family, but we still rule the world at churning out empty, non-threatening bombast.

Sun reader Marzipam basks in the glory:

Blimey we did brilliantly.

Sadly, Marzipam doesn't reveal if they're a member of Coldplay or one of Adele's entourage.