With the world, or at least the very small section of it interested in Michael Jackson, busy swearing at Ticketmaster, Gordon brings news of the plans:
MICHAEL JACKSON’s London comeback is going ahead with a little help from rock Lord ROD STEWART.
The FACES frontman is renting Jacko his swish Essex mansion as the weird one stages his ten-show residency at The O2 in July.
And the headline for this 'man rents house' story?
Don't stop 'til you get Rod's gaff
- which sounds like a Jackson song. Until you get to the word "get", when it stops sounding like a Jackson song.
There are plans in hand to make the event something of a spectacle, too:
[AEG boss] Phillips said: “He wants to use some technical effects that have never been seen before.”
First U2, now Jackson - what is this obsession with often-disappointing ideas about "things people have never seen before"? If you're meant to be a music legend, isn't the appearance of you, singing your songs, meant to be spectacle enough?
So, what has Michael got in mind, then, that nobody has ever seen before?
He is planning to emulate illusionist DAVID BLAINE and FLOAT over the stage.
Oh, yes. Flying on stage. That's not been done before, has it?
Meanwhile, Gordon makes sure his byline appears prominently on the story about Geri Halliwell splitting from whoever it was Geri Halliwell was most recently going out with:
2 become 1 in love split
Wow. Not being able to understand Spice Girls song titles is quite a surprising lack of grasp on comprehension.