Please, Hammer, don't desert them

Simon & Schuster have instructed lawyers in a bid to claw back an advance they paid to MC Hammer for a book that he never quite got round to writing.

Enemies of the Father: A Message from the Heart On Being a Family Man, to be precise. Apparently, Hammer took on the task of writing this in 2002; by 2004 the publishers realised they weren't going to get it, and have been trying to get the cash back ever since.

Frankly, they should probably be thankful that they didn't get the book - after all, who wants a moral parable written by a bloke who sinks USD61,000 into his incredibly deep pockets and shimmies away? It'd be like getting Noel Gallagher's Guide To Mediation.