Things get worse for Borrell: Kelly Jones offers advice

Oh, how badly your empire has slipped when the Stereophonics make sympathetic noises about your plight. It's like getting economic advice from Zimbabwe.

Kelly Jones has looked at Razorlight, kicked the wheels and sucked his teeth:

He told MTV: “If there's any band members left by that point... he reminds me of where we were with our third album… in fucking trouble!"

Actually, Kelly, Stereophonics were in trouble from about thirty minutes after everyone realised that Local Boy In The Photograph was as good as it was going to get.

But you're still here, clinging desperately on, like you're Patrick Kielty of pop. So, what's your suggestion for Borrell? How can he... well, if not turn it around, at least still manage the odd slot when the sun is still out at festivals?

"Just change your haircut, they’ll forget all about you then. It’s a new you – Madonna's done it all her life."

The difference is, though - at least for a good chunk of her earlier career - Madonna would emerge from the salon not only with a new cut, but also carrying demo tapes of something interesting, and arresting, and popular.

I must admit, though, I never noticed Kelly Jones getting a new haircut.