"Only Madonna can save us now"

The imminent destruction of Western civilization seems more and more attractive as even earthquake victims seem incapable of thinking in anything other than celebrity terms:

Madonna has promised $500,000 to help victims of Italy's devastating earthquake, said Fernando Caparso, mayor of Pacentro, the mountainside village where two of the pop star's grandparents were born.

Carparso told The Associated Press on Wednesday that that he had spoken to the pop star's manager and that he was deeply moved by Madonna's effort to assist the town as well as surrounding areas.

"Madonna was the only one who could help us," he said. "Other then being a great singer, a great rock star and an intelligent woman, with this gesture she has become a great woman," he said.

Let's hope that the money makes it through - Malawi is still waiting for its $3.7million Gucci/Madonna fundraiser, and Madonna spokesmutterer Liz Rosenberg seems reluctant to commit to a figure:

Liz Rosenberg, the pop singer's spokeswoman, confirmed that Madonna had pledged a "substantial amount," in quake relief but didn't disclose the exact figure.

And not everyone is thrilled by the offer in the first place:

Rosa Napoli, 90, was less than approving. "She is a woman that men like. She is not the Madonna that is worshipped in church," Napoli said as she left a small church where she attended an evening Mass.

Thanks for clearing that up, Ms Napoli. I do always get the two of them muddled up - it's easy to mistake the woman who recorded Like A Virgin for a 2,000 year old, don't you find?

Still: It's reassuring to know that whenever the world gets too obsessed with celebrity, we can always rely on the nonagenarians to pull us back.