Gordon in the morning: Telling porkies

Gordon chills the blood of juggling-and-mud fans everywhere this morning, claiming that swine flu has put "Glastonbury at risk":

GLASTO chief MICHAEL EAVIS fears his famous festival could face the chop this year over the swine flu outbreak.

The bearded dairy farmer called worried organisers to an extraordinary general meeting to discuss the prospect of cancelling the event amid fears of a pandemic.

Really? Eavis really believes the event is under threat? Or is it just one of those things that you put on the list of things to be aware of in planning?

What did Michael tell you, Gordon?

Nothing at all, as it turns out. But there was a "source":

A source said: “So many people gathered in one place is a risk and if the Government wanted to pull public events, like they have done in Mexico, we’d be one of the first to go."

Well, Glastonbury would be one of the first to go if the government happened to start canceling events the weekend that the ban came in. If swine flu did suddenly become a real problem, but it happened in the next couple of weeks, the FA Cup Final might be the first to go.

But it won't be, because it isn't likely. Even Gordon's "source" says so:

“It would be crazy not to put a plan in place. Right now, though, it is still full steam ahead.”

So, Gordon's "exclusive" is if - if - swine flu gets a lot more serious, and the government bans large public gatherings, then a large public gathering won't happen.

But Gordon isn't content with one large-gig/health-related non-story. Oh, no. There's scrawny old Michael Jackson, too:

MEDICS have warned MICHAEL JACKSON that he needs to beef up before his mammoth O2 residency.

They say the star is 20lb underweight and urgently needs to pile on the pounds ahead of the 50 live shows, from July 8 to February 24.

In other words: doctors are advising someone to make sure they're in the best of health before embarking on a job which requires them to be physically fit.

It's a classic day for stating the bleedin' obvious, experts say.