Heather didn't go with the Mills Of God, then

Heather Mills' latest bid to reinvent herself is to turn herself into a kind of cruelty-free Colonel Sanders. She's opening a vegan restaurant in Hove, which she believes will be franchised out around the world:

The Argus can exclusively reveal that Ms Mills’ latest venture called V-Bites will open at Hove Lagoon in July.

V Bites? Maybe you should register plans for a juice bar chain called H Sucks while you're at it.

The idea - a vegan food chain - isn't a bad one in itself, although the lack of a successful vegetarian chain, despite there being more vegetarians than vegans, suggests the business planning might have been a bit weak. And Heather doesn't seem sure what sort of place it is:

“It has been made into a very hip 21st century place.”

So it's a hip, high-end place? Sounds expensive.

Ms Mills said the menu will be affordable and visitors to the nearby park will also be able to buy vegan burgers from a serving hatch.

It's a hip, high-end place with a cheap burger hatch?

Ms Mills said that each room would have a different feel to it, with one turned into a family creche area where children can play with interactive screens which will teach them about different fruits and vegetables and a dining area which will serve a daily selection of vegan dishes from around the world.

"Mummy! Mummy! Can we go to the restaurant where we can learn about the kumquat today? Pleeeeeease..."

[Mills] said: “It’s for everybody. It will be very family orientated during the day but it will be for all ages. My grandmother lived here for 38 years so I really want it to be somewhere elderly people can go as well.

“It is going to be really funky, with nice music and ambience and good staff.”

So it's funky and hip, for children and the elderly, pushing burgers through a slot... I'm not sure, but I suspect Mills may have ended the tour by telling The Argus that the restaurant will also be able to fly, and special singing potatoes will provide makeovers at the Fairy-powered clamshell.