Glastonbury 2009: View from the sofa - Lady GaGa

If only Corrie had written the Jack and Connie story the way the touching scenes tonight went, instead of as some clumsy explanation for why Connie might have sex with Kevin in the face of all logic, perhaps Weatherfield wouldn't feel like its in such a tailspin right now.

Sorry, that's not BBC Three, is it? Flicking on to the BBC TV coverage for the first time, it's Lady GaGa, with her famous firework bra.

Except on TV, it looks less like she's got pyrotechnic tits, and more like she's strapped a couple of Camping Gaz stoves to her chest. And like camp stoves, although you get the odd spark from them, there's nothing that's going to really get your soup bubbling.

For Poker Face, she removes her apparatus and strips down to flesh-coloured underwear. It might just be me, but knickers the colour of sticking plaster always seem more like support hose than lingerie. Michael Eavis has stopped banging on about trying to bring teenagers back to Worthy Farm, but this sort of adolescent fantasy seems to be perfect for that.

Over, then, to Edith Bowman stood, forlornly, in some glass box hovering in the sky. Edith observes that GaGa's guitarist looked like Jack White and her bassist looked like Kurt Cobain. This is, it seems, "weird" for some reason. Not as weird as Bowman's outfit, which I've been trying to place and can only describe as the sort of thing a British romcom would have the female lead wear for a 'morning after' scene - Hugh Grant's baggy rugby shirt and the boots from the night before.